By: Mr. Mohd Redzuan Zamberi

 

Have you ever had to face a situation of conflict with a friend? Whether it’s a conflict with a good friend, a roommate, a schoolmate, a university friend or even a co -worker. As a regular human being, I, too, did not escape from having to face this kind of situation, in fact it happened many times across the 39 years that I’ve lived on this earth.

 

According to the Fourth Edition of Kamus Dewan, conflict can be defined as a dispute or disagreement between individuals regarding ideas, interests and many others. These disagreements may occur either during physical interaction between individuals, or disputes due to emotional, mental or psychological clashes. Usually, the conflict that leaves a deep and lasting effect that is often unforgettable or irreconcilable is conflict from an emotional and mental aspect.

 

Physical and emotional conflict once happened to me when I was only 7 years old. At that time, I was an army’s son who grew up in a military camp in Batu Arang, Rawang, Selangor. For me, my life revolved around the military camp. The apartments were 5 storeys high and the blocks around the neighbourhood were arranged according to the military ranking. As children of the army, we would routinely go to school by riding in an army's truck that waits at a fixed location and at a scheduled time. At the time, my mother did not send me to the truck’s location, Mom just watched me from afar from our block until the last shadows of the truck disappeared. The 7-year-old me’s heart was very sad and forlorn because every day, he had to walk alone to go to school. But as time went by, I began to understand the meaning of independence that my mother and father were trying to ingrain in me.

 

Yet, I still hid all the sadness away. However, a thing that I couldn’t hide happened to me. Everyday, I was bullied and robbed by a group of boys that were mean to me at the time. While I was waiting for the army truck to arrive every afternoon, a group of naughty boys led by Amirudin along with 4 others would block me in the lane near the truck’s location. They would ask for money and bully me by pulling on my shirt, my trousers and my hair. I have also been beaten by them. This physical conflict became an emotional and mental conflict to me because it happened every day, not only at the truck’s waiting place, but also inside the school walls.

 

Every day, if I didn’t give them the pocket money that my mother had given me, they would chase me around in the field during break time until I cried. I was very scared at the time, and it could also be said that I was a “soft boy” who did not dare to fight back. I just took whatever they did to me and gave them all of my pocket money. Because of that, I couldn’t eat in the school canteen because I had no money left. I would just drink tap water to quench my hunger and thirst. I also didn’t tell my mother or father for fear of being scolded. Just imagine the trauma that I went through every day until one day, a teacher named Cikgu Hawa witnessed me being bullied. Cikgu Hawa called me to ask me what had happened. Cikgu Hawa immediately called my bullies and punished them. She also wrote a letter to my mother telling her everything that happened. Cikgu Hawa did a great service by making my bullies repay every pocket money and stationery that they have stolen from me. She was very thorough in calculating the amount that they should pay me back. She also wrote letters to their parents to inform them of their bad behaviour. As a result, I was no longer bullied.

 

Ever since then, I felt protected by Cikgu Hawa and started to feel brave to hang out with other friends. Before that, I was very quiet and passive. I only liked to draw scenery and cartoons, and didn’t like to socialize because I felt like everyone would be rude so I preferred to sit and draw in class during recess. I tried to be more courageous since Cikgu Hawa advised me to, in addition with my mother's advice telling me not to remain silent and become a victim of bullying. I could still hear my mother’s words echoing in my head even now.

 

“Abang, you’re the eldest child. You have other siblings after you.  You’re also my son. Your father is a brave soldier. Abang, you have to be brave if you want to take care of your siblings later. If other people pick on you, don’t retaliate but also, do not be a victim of bullying. You need to defend your rights when it’s necessary"

 

As years went by, I began to learn how to make friends from years of experience in socializing, starting from boarding schools until I was a student at the University of Malaya. From a quiet, anti -social and a very ‘introverted’ person, I turned into a brave, respected and popular person. I was no longer bullied but instead I had many 'cliques' when I was in high school up until I was in university.

 

While working as a Counselor at Universiti Putra Malaysia, I accepted many responsibilities as a leader until I became the Head of the UPM’s Counselling Division. All thanks to God, the guidance of my parents, good friends and certainly to a teacher that I will never forget, Cikgu Hawa, a Malay Language teacher and my class teacher at Sekolah Kebangsaan Batu Arang, Selangor, in 1986.

 

My conflict experience taught me the meaning of courage as well as how to be talented as a leader and how to be a well-liked friend. My mother’s words of advice of a mother that I hold on tight today is:

 

"If people want to be horrible to us, let them, but we must continue being good to them"

 

It wasn’t an educated person or someone with a higher education but a mother who lived in poverty and could only study up to fifth grade, who taught me the many life lessons and principles that made me who I am today. She was my best teacher aside from my late father who taught me a lot about life hardships when he went through them to earn a living until he passed away.

 

I would love to share a book that has guided me over the years. This book also changed my life perception regarding friendship. This book taught me to handle conflict, subdue conflict and in turn allow us to be in a “win-win” situation. The book is titled "How to Win Friends and Influence People", written by Dale Carnegie.

 

I am not someone who could set an example to the readers but this is my life story. I am sure the readers will be able to understand my message from this story. I have too many life stories, ups and downs that can be related to conflict. But just a short story of my childhood would be enough to spread the message. I have forgiven everything. Surely, there must be a hidden lesson behind everything.

 

Thank you, God. Thank you to my mother, Salamiah and my father, Zamberi. Thank you, all.

 

Thank you, Teacher Hawa. Thank you to the friends that came into my life.

Quoted by book of "170 Kata-kata Mendorong Menjadi Pelajar Hebat"

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Date of Input: 04/02/2021 | Updated: 24/08/2021 | anis_akmil