By : Mohd Redzuan Zamberi

Have you ever experienced a conflict with a friend? Whether it is a conflict with a good friend, roommate, schoolmate, university friend or peers at school or workplace. If your answer is yes. Me too, belief it or not it is a normal situation as we are as human being. Along 39 years of my ages. I faced a bunch of conflict either it was interpersonal or intrapersonal. 

Conflict may happen cause by many reasons. However commonly the conflicts take place when have disagreement and miss communication whether it is involved physically, emotionally, physically or psychologically from two party. Mainly, conflict that give deep cut and scars happens when it involved emotional abuse. Let me share one of my experience. It happened when I was 7 years old. I born as first kid in my family. My father was an army and my mother was full time housewife. I raised in an army camp situated in Batu Arang, Rawang, Selangor. As a child to an army.  My life surrounded and confined by the camp. Nothing much I can explore. As long as I remembered our neighborhood area consist many residential blocks which each block was 5 story. Our main transport went to school was a truck that we called as “ferry”. We need to wait at the given location, and my mother just observed from far, she even did not send me to the waiting point. My sight always on her when I walked until she disappeared. As a 7 years old boy, with heavyhearted I forced to stand alone and be independent. At that moment I start to realize the meaning of self-reliance though by my parents. I kept all the sadness and those feeling by myself. I did it well.        

However, the biggest challenge was just starting. I was bullied and looted by a group of wicked boys. They were like me too, army’s kids.  It appeared to be done nearly every day.  When I waited for the truck in the afternoon, a group of wicked boys led by Amirudin and four others would stop me on my way to pick up point. They drag my body and pulled my hair, cloth and pant. They not just dare to insult me at the waiting location but even in the school area. During the recess hour, they would chase me in the field to get my money. I have to give all money to them, for the safety reason. They got all my money.         

I was scared, always on tear and could be called as a ‘weak boy”, I do not even dare to look at their eyes at that time. Therefore, I had been drinking water from water tap to get rid of from thirsty and hungry. I have no strength to tell my mom, worried she would get resent on me. Just imagine how traumatized I can be, to face the boys every single day in school. Until, one day Cikgu Hawa asked me to met her, and told me to share about the incident. She said she saw me bullied by a group of boys. I made a confession and told her about averyhing. Lucky me, she wrote a letter to my parent and punished the boys. I got all my compensation included my stationery. How grateful and I feel great. Cikgu Hawa calculated my loss precisely and also wrote a letter to their parents for what they have done. As a result, I am no longer being bullied. Thankful for the teacher, after that I began to feel brave and start to hang over with other friends. Before that, I was a quiet and passive person. I just love to draw scenery and cartoons, I don't like socializing much because friends always be rude and rough when played.I would rather sit in class and spend time to drawing. Cikgu Hawa encourage and my mother encouraged me to be a brave and pride boy, and it should save me from being a victim of bullying. 

I always remembered my mother’s advise and it echoed in my ears until now. She mentioned “ You are The Oldest child, you have siblings to take care, you are my son and son to a brave soldier. You need to be strong and brave to watch your siblings soon. If other made rude to us, do not counter with rough. But you need defend your rights when necessary,”.

Gradually, I began to learn how to make friends through the experience of hanging out with friends in boarding school and in residential college in University of Malaya. From a quiet, anti-social, intovert person. I turn into a brave, respected and popular. I no longer being bullied but having a many friends in high school until University level.

While working as a Counselor at Universiti Putra Malaysia, I received a lot responsibility as a leader to the Division Head of the Counseling Division UPM. Thank you for the guidance from parents, best friends and my beloved teacher that I cannot forget, Cikgu Hawa. Malaysian Language Teacher and my Classroom Teacher at the Batu Arang National School, Selangor in 1986.

Experiencing conflict with this friend taught me the meaning of courage and talent leadership as well as being a beloved friend. I have been keeping my advice until now. She said “Even though people keep doing bad to us, keep doing good to them"

My mother who only studied until standard five because of poverty, do not well educated or has highly educated, but taught me ample of principles and meaning of life. She and my father are the best teacher I have ever had. My father tough me the surviving from hardship and self-reliance until the end of his life.

I would like to share a book that has been my life guiding for a long time. This book greatly altered my perception about friend and me as a friend to someone. This book taught me well how to control conflicts, subjugate the conflict and make us "win". The book title “How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie. I am not the best role model, but this is my life story. I hope the readers can get some benefit from my story.

Thank you God. Thank you my mother Salamiah and my late father Zamberi. Thank you all ... thank you Cikgu Hawa. Thank you to all my friends who have been appear in my life in the past and until now

Date of Input: 20/02/2020 | Updated: 21/12/2020 | ah_haniff