By : Mr. Mohd Redzuan bin Zamberi _^K.B.;P.A.

Actually, there are many positive effects if you meet with a counselor before making such an important decision. Divorce is not something to be taken lightly or rushed into. It has significant negative impacts on the husband, wife, children, parents and in-laws.

My answer is that it is crucial to see a counselor before making this decision. As a counselor with experience handling marital issues, I’ve seen that couples who act hastily or make decisions when angry or emotional often end up regretting their choice. They may begin to regret the divorce and start seeking their partner again after the separation. This often happens when there are young children involved, as parents may miss their children after a divorce, especially when they live separately and experience a sense of loss.

The role of a marriage counselor is to help save the marriage, find solutions for reconciliation, and help clients make rational decisions. During counseling sessions, the counselor will explore the situation of both the husband and wife. Do they truly want a divorce? What is the main reason behind wanting to divorce? Have they tried other ways to resolve the issues? Are they ready for the consequences of divorce?

Sometimes, the wife’s anger about wanting a divorce overshadows issues that could still be fixed. The husband, feeling emotional and challenged, might hastily utter a divorce after prolonged conflict. For example, if a wife seeks divorce because the husband has failed to provide adequate financial support, a counselor might ask in a separate session: Has the husband always failed in this regard since the beginning of their marriage? What financial support was missing? Why didn’t the husband fulfill his responsibilities?

In some cases, the husband initially provided well, but due to job loss during the pandemic and the company’s bankruptcy, he couldn’t find work that paid as well as before. He then became a Grab driver with a small, unstable income, and the wife had to take on the financial burden of the household.

Is this reason alone enough to seek a divorce? Have both of them tried together to increase the family’s income? Is the husband’s reluctance to earn more a contributing factor? Should the struggles and financial difficulties lead the wife to give up on the marriage they’ve built? Or are there deeper issues at play?

This is where the counselor plays a role in the three-phase family counseling session. The first phase is an individual session with the wife, followed by a second phase with the husband, and the third phase is a joint session with both partners. These three phases are designed to ensure fairness and allow both parties to express themselves. The counselor gathers precise information and compares it before the final joint session to seek peace and find the best solution.

If it turns out that reconciliation is not possible, divorce might be the best option, especially in cases of domestic violence where the husband cannot change his abusive behavior, and the wife suffers physical harm. If the conflict escalates and no resolution is found, then a mutual decision for divorce can be made - though this decision must be reached by both parties, not the counselor. The counselor has no authority to decide for the couple but serves as a professional mediator to help clients make the best decision after discussing the matter through the three phases.

So, is it necessary to meet a counselor before divorce? My answer is, YES, it is very important. When you reach a crossroads in life, it’s crucial to seek a professional mediator who is impartial, qualified, and capable of helping you unravel the challenges you’re facing, especially when it comes to marital issues. Counselors are not family members or friends who might be biased. They are also not lawyers who will fight for their client's case. Regardless of whether the wife or husband seeks counseling, the counselor’s goal is the same: to help the client make the best decision based on professional, confidential discussions.

So, think carefully: Should you seek the help of a counselor before divorcing? Or should you go straight to the religious department or the Syariah Court? Did you know that, in some court hearings, judges sometimes feel that couples seeking divorce without a strong reason could still reconcile, and often the judge will postpone the case and suggest they undergo family counseling through a reconciliation committee? Doesn’t this process make things more complicated and lengthy?

Date of Input: 30/04/2025 | Updated: 30/04/2025 | ayna